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It's been awhile... short entry. [Jun. 20th, 2008|01:17 am]
Restless Night Nonsense
I never realized until recently just how different the world is when you stop looking at your feet and start facing reality. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. Part of me says no good can come of it and another part totally embraces it... The duality of my (...self?) is and has always been interesting.

- End of Line.
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For god sakes whatever you do... DON'T TASTE THE RAINBOW! [May. 22nd, 2007|01:47 am]
Restless Night Nonsense
[Current Location |Dar Recent Past]
[Current Music |Crystal Flash]

Yeah its that time again. Time to write an hour long post when I should have been asleep hours ago. So where to start. My vacation is at an end. I am due to be working in 6 hours and I can't sleep. I guess a recap of vacation is necessary since my memory is so bad.

Got off work on Monday and went home. Decided that it would probably be in my best interest to clean the house before I left so it wouldnt smell funny. Did so. Double checked that everything was packed, cleaned, and powered down before Kristen came to get me. Went out for foods cause I was starving. Got dropped off at the airport 2 hours before flight. Security checks in Portland were weak. Simple take off shoes and all excess stuff and chuck into bin for scanning. Ten minutes of line later we're past security shoes back on and ready for trip. Excitement hits about now. I'm actually goin on a vacation. Without my family. Weird. I think I got another snack in the airport. Waited forever for boarding. Krazy said plane was really small was a 737-900 so it wasn't that bad. Had Ginger ale on plane and mini pretzels...was disappointed there weren't honey roasted peanuts...(Four planes later...still no fucking honey roasted peanuts.)Since it was the red eye some lady next to Krazy got all cozy with her...was funny. Got to Houston, TX at 8am local time...hot and humid like a bitch. Didn't like it at all. Krazy wanted to smoke...had to leave the airport to do so...Krazy smoked two. Had to go through Houston Security...even more lax than Portland. TSA hires some interesting characters... We were hungry so we wandered around forever trying to find something tasty...finally decided on something right next to our gate...after wandering prolly a quarter mile around teh airport...heh. As we're getting our grubbins we hear "Justin Turner and Kristen Voorhees please check into Gate E8 for immediate departure" Seems the clocks we were going by (In the airport) were ten minutes slow. Grabbed food and foil and booked it. Lady laughed at us...I mentally cursed the day she was spawned. Got our seats and ate breakfast...only a 2 hour flight this time...no prob. Got to floridaria at around 10ish local time... I had been up for over 24 hours. Took about 45 minutes to drive to Alisons place. (Alison lives 45 minutes from everything other than the college,liquor store,amusement park, and emergency clinic...oh and CRACKER BARREL imagine that :) Liana said we looked like Zombies. I started to feel it so laid down for a few...Krazy face planted into Alisons bed and was out for a few hours. We went to Maggy Moo's. Upscale Cold stone place. Wasn't too bad. Cheesecake ice cream is never as good as it seems it owuld be....NEVER. Sat by the pool and gossiped for a bit. Krazy was still dead when we got back. We were all feelin a bit hungry so we woke the K who is Krazy up and had Thai Foods that were okay. I enjoyed a large container of Sake with my meal since I had not slept I thought that alcohol would sustain me since I had a punk concert to go to... we then went to the Pelican since everyone seemed to be in a drinky mood after the Thai food... (And some peoples unfortunate ordering of Singha Light...I warned them.) The Pelican is packed...I decide to wait outside a bit. Get bored... people come out and grab me and Krazy and buy us a drink. I drink a couple of Beers and Jaeger bombs while we wait for the shitty opening bands to go away. They take a long while. I am toasty by the time we decide to go into the venue...which happens to be right behind the pub hehehe. We are wrong about the shitty opening bands being gone....so very very wrong. I decide another beer couldn't hurt... the bar on the other side of the little park that was the venue was selling miller amber bocks in 32 ounce glasses...who can pass that up. So Liana, B-Lee, and I each get one. I drink half of mine before some unfortunate mental slip causes my free hand to knock the cup out of my drinking hand. Probably for the best it was Miller after all. Outside is quiet...flogging molly must be getting ready. We go outside and hang out towards the back of the venue with the rest of the group till right before the band starts playing. I see a couple start making their way through the crowd in front of me and decide I'm gonna take the path they open. I tell the others and invite them along. No one follows. I get about half way to the stage by the time the band starts playing. During the first half of their set I am going about my way getting to the front of the crowd to the stage...shoving, helping people up, and forcing my way through gaps ten times two small for a Twinkie to fit through...but I make it. One guy keeps up with me always trying to get in front of me...I'm not having it and our little war gets a bit physical. Not mean just kinda dominant male shit. I win. I get my hand on the rail and that ends the fight. He's got no leeway and can't get in front of me. I scream to my hearts content and halfway lose my voice for a little while moving with the music. At the end of the show I see a 12 year old boy light up a smoke and make out with a maybe 15 year old chick...what the fuck. Also Liana,Kristen and I get our tickets signed by a few members of the band telling them we flew 3000 miles to see them we even had our ID's out bahahah they thought we were nuts and told us we could have waited to see them in Portland... we said we'd be there too. Ate at Sonic on the way home. They wouldn't let us use the pisser which was located outside the building cause it was after midnight and the manager didn't want to give us the keys. Night ended well. Drank some water and OJ and passed out on my allotted space of floor.

Next morning woke up refreshed great sleep. Liana who was sleeping on the couch did not...because I snore... ALOT. She was very unhappy about this fact and told me so...a few times. I told her I'd drink more water before I went to sleep since that usually helps my snoring issues. Chilled out and swam in the pool. When we got hungry we headed over to Cracker Barrel... at once the best and worst place I have ever eaten in my life. Best because the food is so good that you never want to leave...Bad because if you ate there twice a month you'd be Lardo the Butter-Hutt. Ham Candy...nuff said. We drove Alison to school and then went to walmart to pick up some things we forgot as well as some sodas and OJ... when in floridaria drink the OJ. Fer Reals. Got back to the Apartment and kicked it with Robbie. Alison came home and cooked us some tasty Polenta. Pretty laid back day. Slept well...Liana yelled at me again...Promised I'd sleep outside on the leather couch that is on their screened in patio since the nights were so nice.

Thursday was what the Florida group calls Mid Week Release (Usually a Wednesday occurrence) which is where everyone gets Thai food and the bowls... but before that we went to the beach for a few hours. There is something quite beautiful about stepping into the ocean and finding that it is about the same temperature as the pool you swam in the day before... (About 75 degrees) Holy shit was it nice. Got some sun... some people even said I gots a tan. Now the thing about mid week release is that while bowling is an important part...drinking a metric ass ton of beer also seems equally important. I indulged :) A few hours and 17 beers later I still suck at bowling but team PNW beats the unholy bama/floridar alliance...by a hair. I was at the top of my drunken game but I think the booze was affecting some of the Bamadarians. The top of my drunken game equals a uh 76...I think. We leave. Its a long drive back to the apartment. I lie down with out drinking any water... not so bright. Hit the restroom...vent beers and Thai food. Stomach and Porcelain god appeased. Drink OJ and Water... make my way back out to the patio where I lay down and fall promptly asleep.

Wake up feeling quite splendid...No sarcasm I felt great. OJ is a miracle cure I swear especially super fresh OJ. We go to Busch Gardens and hit the coasters... The first coaster is this really old looking rickety ass wooden coaster called the Gwazi...choices are Lion or Tiger tracks... I choose Tiger... no line... Get on coaster and go for about 20 seconds looking at the track and am like...wtf...this is a pussy coaster...no my friends. I am wrong. We go under a tunnel and come out at the biggest meanest fucking wooden coaster I have ever seen. I HATE wooden coasters. But since it was the first coaster we came across I was not going to say no. I swear I felt that damn thing leave track like 5 times. The rattling gives me a headache... I take Excedrin and we make our way to sheikra...I have a fear of heights. This is a vertical drop coaster... I am scared shitless at the thought of it. Liana makes it worse by announcing her fear a few times... I think of chickening out. I say fuck that I'm gonna ride every coaster here... Sheikra will be my bitch :) So we waited...and waited...and waited. 45 minutes later we're at the top second row out of 3...the coaster is tiered... 200 foot straight drop at over 70MPH... Amazing view of the surroundings from the top. It rattles...and creaks...and makes it's merry little way up hill on the chain drive and then around a little 180...nice view...why are we tilting...oh fuck me...uh why has it stalled halfway over the drop...this is a nice view....whats that sound...oh...its me screaming like a little bitch...and enjoying it. I keep my eyes open as we come off the loop after the drop we hit a break station and bleed off a little speed and then would you look at that another one of those damn drops. Yeah theres me screaming again. This time mixed with laughter...I'm getting the hang of the whole coaster thing again. We go to be scared...we push ourselves to show we can overcome our retarded fears. By the end of the ride I am ready to hit any coaster the park can throw at me. And I do. We ride all the coasters near by... then it's time to go. We've done half the park and will do the other half the next day. We head back to the apartment after picking up High proof White Russian makings. I drink a blue moon and a couple of white russians and order Pizza and WINGS before deciding that I'm gonna head to sleep early so we can hit the coasters first thing the next morning. I make my way out to the patio get comfy on leather love seat and pass out... Funny thought getting up early, I was asleep by midnight... most of the group was up till 5 very drunk and having what sounded like a lot of fun filming stuff in front of Lee's blue screen of doom...whatever you do...for gods sakes never taste the rainbow....fer serious.

Wake up at 8...every one is still passed out...go back to sleep. Wake up at 10....pretty much everyone still out. Sleep till 11. Get up and go inside and pack my shit so that I'll be ready to leave once we get back from the coaster park. We leave for coasters around 12:30. Krazy is feeling really sick so she goes to doctor... Krazy always gets sick right before or during a vacation. They meet up with us at coaster park right after we ride the Mantu... we decide it was good enough to ride a few more times. It's a really hot day and every one is feeling it. We have some sodas and walk around a bit. Get lost trying to find sheikra to concur it again! Line is over an hour and a half long...no fucking way. We decide to get some grub... Get lost trying to find Desert Grill... By this time we've made 2 complete circuits of the park... we find the stand that has turkey legs... I've been craving one of those bastards since I went to Orlando YEARS ago with my family. I gorge myself on turkey leg and soda. Am content. Liana gets sick from heat exhaustion and we walk to the other group. By this time the heat has taken in out of half the group and some people are a bit edgy...so we decide to pack it in and just kick it at Alison's before we get dropped off at the airport. Had fun kicking it with Non-Bama Lee and Alison and Roberto and Liana. Double checked my packing got my ipod and keys which I of course didn't pack the first time (I left my sunglasses and sandals...whatever :) Said my good bys and we all got in the car and made our way to the airport. Somehow Liana was booked for the same flight as us but since we got to the airport late she was seated 8 rows behind us. I sat next too a very dapper old man with a awesome lime green sports coat. He was nice and flying to Vegas. The flight was uneventful. Listened to NIN and played some Puzzle Quest. Read some of my book and just chilled. Got off at Las Vegas said our goodbyes to Liana over a airport prepared burger king meal and hopped back onto the same plane for our flight back to Portland. Got in around 2:30am our time grabbed our gear and waited for Krazy's parents to pick us up. Got home and fell asleep in my own bed...so nice.

All in all it was a great vacation. Everyone I met down in Florida were really cool people and I think we all had a pretty good time. I hope I wasn't too obnoxious but who knows. I could definitely see myself living in Florida sometime in the future. I know living somewhere is much different than vacationing but from what I've seen and heard of that area and everyone I know who either already lives down there and is planning on moving it seems like it could be a very cool place to spend my time. Plus the school Alison's going to University of South Florida I believe is retardedly cheap. After you become a permanent resident of Florida (1 year) School is like 3k a year... compared to nearly 20k a year at PSU....if I was a resident of Oregon...which I'm not. And Clark... yeah I really don't want to go to Clark. But before I make any plans I want to see where Nautilus takes me. If I get this new job in Consumer relations it could be quite a powerful thing on my resume. We'll see :)

No philosophical mumbo jumbo tonight I'm afraid. I know after so long a time without a post I'm sure you were expecting it. Well sorry... you'll just have to see what a week of my life is instead. Hahahaha Bamadarians... I loves it.
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Day In, Day out. [Dec. 27th, 2006|02:16 am]
Restless Night Nonsense
Day in day out getting closer to a revelation. Reading, lots of reading needs to be done. Can't expect the process to just appear out of the aether by itself. Need to learn. Need to figure out the details before I can even start to understand the plan. Gotta dream, need more time for dreams need to see the weave. Gotta stop useless spending. Can't expect outside funding to get me through. Need to save. Need to save a lot. Stop buying shit. Seriously. I have until the weekend to draft my goals and new years resolution. Have to have them printed out in final form and on my desk by the end of business on friday. This could work. This really could happen. I just have to work over so many details. So much to do and while I have all the time in the world to do it I'd like to set the wheels a turning as soon as possible.
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Wake up and smell the stagnation. [Dec. 26th, 2006|02:41 am]
Restless Night Nonsense
You ever have that feeling that you've missed something very important? You know... the one that says you're fucking it up. The one that says you've misplaced your dreams. Forgotten. You ever hear that voice in the back of your head screaming so loud that you have to drown it out in useless shit. The voice that says you're too good for what you spend your time on. The one that says there is far more important tasks to be done. No? Sometimes I do. Sometimes I want to just sell everything I have and leave. Give myself over to something useful. I have this desire to do something...help people. I'm tired of working dead end jobs. I'm tired of living my life one video game to the next. I'm tired of having just enough freedom to hang myself and not enough to do anything useful. I need money. I need lots of money. There is a war waging inside one that screams to be let loose on the world and explore and help things out and the other one just wants to be a normal drone. Just wants to play games and goof off. Drink booze and hang out with friends. They don't play well with each other.

I doubt I'll change soon but I know that in the back of my head it'll always be there calling me... waiting for me to be ready. Everyone complains about not knowing what to do with their lives. I know what I want to do. I'm just so lost in how to get started.

I'm selfish, I realize that I can't just give my money over to some relief organization and let them handle it. I want to get in shape and get my ass out the door. I want to go back to my last post and explain something a little further. Thankfulness. Being Mindful. Realizing just how fucking lucky you all are. You have access to one of the most amazing resources that we've ever come up with. What do we use it for? Funny videos, watching tv, Email, texting, killing time. Time doesnt need to be killed it needs to be grasped firmly and used properly. God theres so much I want to say and nothing is coming out in the right order. Thankfulness. Everyone who reads this is an able minded and bodied individual what are you doing with yourself? Why? I've seen some horrid stuff. Out of sight out of mind right?

I feel like such an asshole sometimes. Tonight was Christmas dinner with the family...both of them. They went over pretty well. I called my dads wife the wrong name when I was leaving. That sucked. I still feel bad about that. I saw both of her kids. They have a very tragic disease that shortcircuits their motor control and slowly but surly kills them. I think their father died of the same illness. I've watched her son Ben slowly degenerate over the past few years every holiday when he visited. At first it was just some twitches and a slight speech impediment. Now a few years later he's in a wheel chair can hardly communicate, hardly move himself. Hardly do anything save watch TV. I feel awful that I didn't say anything to him. I just didn't know what to say. It just hurt to see someone a little older than me in that state and to know that he probably just wanted me to treat him like a normal person and I couldn't even bring myself to talk to him for lack of words. Her daughter I guess is starting to show signs of the illness too.

I guess the point is that it's really hard to see someone that way especially when they are family. Family I never see or talk to but still family... no thats not the point. They point lies behind that. It sucks seeing someones life being ripped away from them...but what hurts even more is knowing that you've got what they don't...and you waste it.
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Stop fooling yourself. [Dec. 26th, 2006|02:39 am]
Restless Night Nonsense
*Disclaimer* "This has a lot of generalizations. This is directed at no one in particular."

Nothing plays out the way one would expect you know? Sometimes it feels like everything I imagined as a child was wrong, every possible future a lie. What do you want to be when you grow up? When exactly does one become a grown up? Are we grown up, are we mature, has anything changed? Do you live alone, with friends, in a closet, with your parents? Is this what you imagined? Are you pleased with where you are at in life? Is this where you want to be… Or is everything completely back asswards.

Do you like my writing style? The constant questions…does it make you think or am I the only one.

Does this world call to you? What does it say, does it ask of you something. Can you give up everything to follow the call? Does it scream to your being? Who can say…? I guess the only person that can answer any question is oneself. Expecting the correct answer from others in regards to inner turmoil doesn't work.

A man once said that a job is the slowest way to make money. I agree. Most of us will slave our lives away. It doesn't matter if the work is hard or light. It will destroy us all. We'll spend our lives answering questions, cooking other people's food, building their houses and forget our dreams. We'll fall into other people's dreams and help make them become a reality. We'll explain that this is the truest and quickest way to being content. We'll get married. Settle down. Have a kid. We'll exploit others while they exploit us. We'll buy what they're selling. They tell us that what we bought last week is outdated…we need to buy the newest version… and we do. Our clothing comes with an expiration date unprinted as it may be. People look at you funny when you wear what you want if it's not that day's current style. I personally enjoy raping people's eyes with my 70's orange and brown color scheme, my bowling shirts and my constantly dyed hair.

They tell us that the American Dream is attainable by all. Some would say that the American Dream is Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Good saying but all it does is promote selfish behaviors. Hoard your money until you can afford that new toy. You deserve it. Work your minimum wage job you too will someday be the CEO. Welcome to the real world if you are absent more than three times you will be terminated.

Sometimes I wonder. All the time I wonder. I've forgotten haven't I? We are better than this. Why are we such individualists? What is better… the American Dream of happiness of the individual or the global dream of happiness for the combined people? Neither is attainable for most in the world unfortunately, with religions and countries constantly warring. Nations blockading others food supplies and updated medical supplies because their leaders are "evil". We keep third world countries poor because they make for cheap labor, some of them we keep poor because even if we helped their leadership would make sure the people stay poor while the government lives the good life. There are so many different reasons why…This situation is utterly frakked and once again I know it won't be changing any time soon.

No one is thankful anymore. I'll be the first one to admit. I'm not as thankful as I could be. I'm no where near thankful for what I have and I should be. Next time you sit through that meal that is too much for you to finish and sweep the leftovers into the trash think about it.

When was the last time you thanked a soldier. I don't care if you approve or not. I don't believe we should be in Iraq but you know we are there because our leader says we should be. The people who are their losing their lives are mostly young individuals from poorer families. Sure there are gung ho's over there but they are the minority. Most people join the service to protect the country, to pay for school, hell to just survive the transition from "child" to "adult". Some people need that kind of guidance. But what do we do when they get back. We call them baby killers and threaten them. What the hell is people's problem? Make up your minds please.

I want to escape the American Dream. I want to escape the constant cycle of buying shit I don't need. I'm tired of being stuck with this feeling like I'll be trapped working a crap job for crap wages my entire life. I want to live my life helping the world along. One person can't change the world. One person can't even make a dent. One person can help change the lives of many other people though. One person can but am I honestly the kind that can make such a sacrifice and if I enjoy making others happy so much is it really a sacrifice?

How much can one say they know them self? Are you of one mind or many? Do you ever regret the choices you make on a whim? Are you the same person today that you were last week, last month, last year? And let's say you can know yourself. Can you ever know another? Can you ever understand where they may come from without knowing every detail of their life?

I am such a sucker for a new toy. I bought a Nintendo Wii. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have bought my DS. I shouldn't have bought my 360 either. I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have. My life is full of those. My parents at different times have told me life is about balance. I can't bring myself to balance. I over do one thing and ignore the rest. I zone out. Ignore the world while I do one thing. Forget everything else at that moment. Medically it would be called hyperfocus which is usually a byproduct of ADHD. I have trouble letting things go once I get started on something I have to solve it my own way. I could use someone else's experience to guide me but most of the time I'm so single minded that asking for help is so far outside my thought process that it would never come up.

HyperFocus in case you were wondering is something I did not make up.

I feel like I'm drowning in the questions. They never cease. Constantly haunting and yet I can't wait for another answer to appear. Is this normal or is there just something terribly wrong with me.

I get in trouble at work all the time because I get bored. I can't keep myself busy. Every time they give me something I finish it way before they expect. I've gotten tired of asking for more work because it takes longer for them to give it to me than it does to actually do it. But today I got to spend two hours writing so I think this will be my new downtime activity since I can't get in trouble for thinking. Just so long as I look like I'm doing work my boss said she wouldn't yell at me.

I'm starting to get bored again. My mind is jumping more randomly now. Sometimes I wonder sometimes I wonder. Who can say where we are heading? Is there such a thing as original thought anymore?

So I'll leave you with this...

Jesus wept, Buddha laughed. Were either right?
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Quote of the Day - Taken from "The Devils Advocate" by Taylor Caldwell [Oct. 25th, 2006|12:57 am]
Restless Night Nonsense
"When a nation threatens another nation the people of the latter forget their factionalism,their local antagonisms, their political differences, their suspsicions of each other, their religious hostilities, and band together as one unit. Leaders know that, and that is why so many of them whip up wars during periods of national crisis, or when the people become discontented and angry. The leaders stigmatize the enemy with every vice they can think of, every evil and human depravity. They stimulate their people's natural fear of all other men by channeling it into a defined fear of just certain men, or nations. Attacking another nation, then, acts as a sort of catharsis, temporarily, on men's fear of their immediate neighbors. This is the explanation of all wars, all racial and religious hatreds, and all attempts at genocide."

Before anyone asks this book is not what the Robert Deniro/Keanu Reaves movie was based on it was actually written in the early 50's and a lot of people claim 1984 plagerized a lot of themes from it. It is easily on of the best books I have ever read and is very hard to get a hold of. Also it is far more frightening to me now than it was five years ago when my teacher first introduced it to me due to the war on terrorism and Iraq. I honestly don't want to go to much into it due to the fact that a lot of people on my friends list are waiting their turns to read it but I highly recommend it to anyone who wants a good story as well as a frightening eye opener to what could happen if things don't change soon.
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Life is like a whachamacalit. [Sep. 17th, 2006|04:48 pm]
Restless Night Nonsense
[Current Mood |confusedconfused]
[Current Music |NIN - Pretty hate machine]

Life. It really is quite boring. I can't quite seem to find the issue but nothing seems right you know? I'm not depressed or I'd blame that. Nope. Everything is going swell but it's still boring.

I work, A lot. I drink not quite so much as I used to. I quit smoking for reals. I sleep. I play video games, read, hang out. It's all so...meh. The children drive me insane. If I could I'd pack my bags and go on a trip but I just got settled into my latest promotion. I started a savings account with a nice chunk o change. yeah... lame. I'm driven to a fault but I have no idea what my drive is. I don't talk to anyone any more. I mean I hang out but I never actually have a conversation. I can't remember a damn thing other than stuff for work and video game crap... I forget far too much and I wish I wouldn't. Well yeah this is super lame.

I cooked a good breakfast today. Steak and Egg breakfast burritos. I like cooking. I really should have gone to the store today and picked up the stuff I need for next weeks lunches and stuff. I've got some left over chicken breasts from Pyrat Chicken night so I guess I could cook those up for lunches.

I really think I should sell off all my video game systems. They are a waste of time like no other. I get nothing out of them. The storylines suck. Hell most of them you can't even call a story. I mean honestly I like playing video games with friends a thousand times more than alone. Party games are good. Sell off the 360... Keep the PS2 for DDR and Guitar Hero. Keep the Cube for Smash bros and thats about it. Probably never gonna happen but its something to look into.

I'm trying to write a letter in another window. Thats where this post came from. But blank. I've got nothing. I've got complaints. I've got this grand sense of emptyness. I don't know what I should be doing with my life.

I feel like I've been dropped into a maze called life without so much as a guide to go by. I've got no clue where to go from here. I mean whats the point, where should I be moving to? Should I look for a relationship? Should I look for a religion? Or are both of these things just covers. Will they make me better or just feel better with the underlying nothingness right below the surface ready to pop back into my life six months later? If I did find one or the other would it survive or would I screw it up somehow? Overthink and underprocess. I thought I needed a Job. I got one. I got promoted a lot. I'm still bored. I can't find anything to fill the time. But why should I feel like time is just there to be filled or killed? Should I be complaicent? I don't understand how working my ass off for the rest of my life is any different than being lazy. I'll get more toys if I work hard. I'd probably be a lot more peaceful if I were lazy.

I could get into social services but. You know help others to make myself feel better. But would I be helping them to help them or would I just be doing it for myself. I guess the end result wouldn't honestly matter because they'd be getting the assistance they need. Another thing about social services is every one I've looked into requires so much money from the people signing up that its nearly impossible for me. Plus the time commitment would pretty much mean I would have to quit my job. What a joke.

The human motive pisses me off.
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Recipe Time - Pyrat Chicken. [Sep. 16th, 2006|01:33 am]
Restless Night Nonsense
[Current Mood |ecstaticYaaaaar!]

Sooo I don't have pictures of tonights devillish treat but let me tell you that it was probably one of the best damn things I have ever come up with in my frakkin life. DAMN it was just that freaking good. Recipe serves 4-6.

Main Course - Pyrat Chicken (Its Badassss...remember that. You may not be able to handle the mad badassery that this stuff throws down.)

2 Shots Pyrat XO Planters Reserve Rum (Best rum evar)
1 12 Ounce Can Pinapple Juice
1 12 Ounce Can Mango Juice
1-2 Heads Garlic mostly minced (Maybe 2 Cloves Sliced into slivers and set aside for later use.)
A decent sized chunk of fresh ginger (Really up to you. I used about 2 ounces fresh ginger in think slices. But I ate a few slices before the cooking actually happened. Hmmm Ginger.)
6 Decent Sized Chicken Breasts (About 2-3 Pounds worth)

So first rule of thumb. Take the two shots of Pyrat and throw them straight down your gullet and set aside two more for cookin with. This makes the rest of the job flow much more smoothly. Plus this is the Julia Child method of cookery that I teach. Next up Drop the minced garlic and sliced ginger into a pyrex casarol dish and pour the two cans of juice over them. Stir well. Next up drop the two shots of rum into the mix (Of course you can use more if you'd like but it is spendy rum (but sooooo freakin worth it....Fuck Bacardi.) Next cut three slits into the top of each chicken breast slightly apart and fill with slivered garlic. Toss into pyrex with juice. (Oh yeah I forgot to mention Preheat oven to 450.) Cook for 40-60 minutes checking every 10 or so after 40 for the pink in the center of the chicken to be gone. Dish this shit up with a heaping supply of rice and douse rice with the left over mango/pinapple juice mix for a tasty tasty meal. (I added saute'd mushrooms cooked in a mix of garlic,ginger,and Garlic/Herb Irish Butter.)

Until next time this is Porkzilla signing of from the best fucking recipe blog in the universe. ENJOY BITCHES...cause I'll know if you did. (Pictures next time I make Pyrat Chicken)
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Damn good home cooked grub! [Aug. 25th, 2006|12:16 am]
Restless Night Nonsense
[Current Mood |contentcontent]

So I was really hungry when I got off work but didn't have enough time to eat out I ran over to wild oats and grabbed the makings for Chicken Vindaloo... So I grabbed everything needed and caught the bus just in time.

Got home and got everything cooking and added some Mozzerella cheese to the top when they were done... Like so!

Then I decided TACOS! and added a sprouted grain tortilla and some mixed herbs and greens...

Vindaloo Chicken Tacos = Divinity.
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Man I got nothin... Seriously. [Aug. 11th, 2006|12:58 am]
Restless Night Nonsense
Soooo I really don't know where this one's heading but here we go. Recently I've noticed things. I feel like I'm becoming one of those adds for Depression drugs. Everytime they come on I can pretty much answer yes to every question. I think I'll pick up some St Johns Wart when I get paid again. I don't want to medicate myself but this is getting to be an issue. I'm starting to understand why I fail at everything I attempt. I don't care about it. I can't bring myself to be interested in anything real for more than a VERY short while. I've tried to stop it myself but I just forget. I leave it alone and stall and after a few days it's slipped from my feeble memory. This too shall pass... Everything is passing me by and I want it to stop. People have been noticing me getting mad for no apparent reason. Theres a reason I just don't know what it is. Little things keep building up inside and seek to destroy whats left of my happyness. I spent another weekend doing absolutly nothing but gorging myself on shite food and watching movies,tv, and playing video games. The movie was good..damn good even, the tv was a marathon of a certain show and it was pretty good, and lots of smash brothers and Paper mario. Smash is great don't get me wrong but damn...I just didnt feel like doing a damn thing otherwise. I don't like what I'm becoming but everytime I try to change my habits they just slip away.
I'm tired of staying home, of having nothing to do but game,watch tv, drink, or whatever. I love my friends but this isn't what I want for myself. I want to be more active but I never have any ideas. Actually my brain feels like its constantly shut down. Nothing to say. All I ever do in a conversation anymore is react. I fail at starting convo with anyone. I just got nothin goin on upstairs. I feel like I've lost something important. Very important. I doubt I'll get it back.

...vacation. I leave on saturday. Five days at the beach with my family. That'll be nice. I'll waste away there instead of here. I'll drink a bottle of Pyrat. Get wasted on the beach and forget some more. That'll be nice.

My words flow senseless. I don't even think anymore. I just ramble. My train of thought derailed a while ago and it'll be sometime before it gets repaired.

My Job. I love my job. I hate my job. Nothing quite like the ignorant to make you feel important again. I work on auto-pilot most of the time now due to the sheer stupidity of everything. Its all so damn simple and I'm gaining nothing out of it. Yeah I get paid decently but I think I'm missing something important here too. A job isnt where you go to waste away until you die. Why do I treat it that way?

Maybe I should loan myself my Dr Who scarf and hang myself with it like I always joke about regarding emo kids. (Don't go skitzo I'm just joking)

I totally quit going to the gym for a bit there. Totally quit eating healthy. Stopped drinking water and drank a lot of soda. I havn't saved a dime. Still smoking. Jesus look at that I've bailed on every goal I've set. At least I havn't got fired....yet. Theres still time for that pisser.

Maybe my dad was right. Maybe I'm destined to fuck up everything I set out to do. I highly doubt it. Theres still hope. Hopes always there. I can fix this. I can make it better. Maybe this vacation can be my turn around point. Get this mopey ass shite out of my system while I'm away... Maybe quit smoking. Five days on the beach without money it looks like I'll be quiting weather I like it not really. I'm sure I could bum the money but really I think its time to try again. Its easy to quit... the only problem is it's just as fucking easy to start again.

Jon said we'd start the gym again once I get back from my vacation. Thats good. Now to kick the soda and smokes. Drink more water. Keep it in my head. Understand what I'm doing to myself will only get worse with time...

I need to go to bed. I got work in the morning. Then vacation. Hopefully my head clears up by then and I'll have a clue on how to fix myself.
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